


Nightmares

by perfectpatches



Category: Leverage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 11:45:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10535805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectpatches/pseuds/perfectpatches
Summary: You can't do the kind of things Eliot has done and not have nightmares. He's gotten good at hiding them, but when they all move in together, it's only a matter of time before the Parker and Hardison find out.





	

They all three lived together now. It was simpler that way, and they all liked it. Everyone had their own apartments scattered around the city, in case of emergencies, or just really bad arguments. They all had their own spaces in the apartment, too. Hardison had a room on the first floor filled with computers and screens that no one else was allowed to touch, of course, but he took over another room that he filled with comics and board games and books. Eliot had a gym with punching bags and mats, but he also had a room filled with plants, where he grew food for cooking, or just because he wanted to create life instead of take it away. Parker had the attic. It had climbing supplies and boards and pages and pages of things she had written about the team, because they were important and she didn’t want to miss anything. They only had one bedroom, though. It had a bed big enough for the three of them when they wanted to just lie next to each other and remind themselves that they were all still alive. They all cuddled close together when Parker had panic attacks and needed to feel enclosed but safe. Hardison needed open spaces and Parker and Eliot’s voices to get through his panic attacks. Parker needed to be held and be sure of Eliot and Hardison. Eliot, though, Eliot never let the them see his attacks. He went to his plant room, where he knew no one would bother him, and curled up in a ball. It helped to be surrounded by green things. It would have been better if Parker or Hardison were there, not close enough to touch, but there, talking, but that could never happen. He wouldn’t let it. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them. He trusted them with his life. He just didn’t trust himself with their lives. Coming out of a panic attack was when he was in the least control of himself. He hadn’t lost control in years now, but he wasn’t going to risk it. Not with them. When he could move again, he would go to the gym and punch things. That’s what he was good at, right? Punching and hurting and destruction. If his punches had more anger behind them than usual, either no one noticed, or they didn’t say anything.

  
Eliot was the one with the nightmares. Parker and Hardison slept in their giant bed together, but Eliot couldn’t. For a lot of reasons, not least of which was the nightmares. You can’t do the things Eliot has done and not get nightmares. He looked calm, sleeping. Loud sleepers don’t survive in the places he’s been, doing the things he did. He would sleep unmoving and wake up drenched in sweat. His dreams had always been bad, but now they were worse. Now he had people he was supposed to protect.  
He had woken from dreams every night for a week where he had killed people from behind, and when he saw their faces they were Parker or Hardison. On friday they had just gotten back from a job. It had been in town so they could stay at their place, which Eliot was thankful for. The last thing he needed with these dreams was to sleep in the same room as them. He slept on the couch that night, since he hadn’t changed his sheets on his cot in the plant room after spilling dirt on them this morning. He didn’t mind the dirt, but Hardison complained when he tracked dirt all over. He woke up drenched in sweat about two hours after he had gone to sleep. It was the same dream. The only good part about it was that he usually woke up pretty quickly. He sat up and wiped his forehead. When he turned to get up and take a shower, he saw Parker. He almost jumped.  
“Parker! You startled me! Make some noise, dammit,” he said. Parker just stared at him. He sighed. “What’s up? Why are you up? It’s the middle of the night and you guys went to sleep hours ago. You doing alright?” He asked.

  
“Couldn’t sleep. Felt all fizzy so I had to get up. Hardison is sleeping though. Something’s wrong with you. You’re all sweaty,” she said. Eliot groaned.

  
“Parker. I can’t talk to you about this,” he said. Parker looked confused, and a bit hurt. He hated that he hurt her, but it was better than her knowing what was going on in his head.

  
“Should I get Hardison? Can you talk to him?” She asked. Eliot shook his head.

  
“It’s just a nightmare, Parker. It’s no big deal,” He said. Parker nodded.

“Do you want to go punch things with me? Or watch a movie?” She asked. He nodded.

“A movie sounds good. Let me go shower real fast,” He said. She went over to pick a movie while he went and took a shower. It felt good to wash the sweat off, but the image of Parker and Hardison’s dead body wasn’t leaving his mind anytime soon.

He dressed in sweats and a t-shirt and went out to the living room. Parker had put in Back to the Future. He laughed slightly. Hardison was going to be so mad they watched it without him. He sat on the opposite end of the couch from Parker. He couldn’t touch her, not after that dream. They watched the movie, and about halfway through Parker stopped fidgeting. She lay down, careful not to touch him. He was thankful for that. It was practically the end of the movie before he could bring himself to even run his fingers through her hair. The movie ended and the screen went quiet. They stayed there for awhile before Eliot spoke.

“I had a dream that you died,” he said quietly. He could feel Parker nod. He heard a quiet gasp from the doorway. He looked up at Hardison and quickly looked back down. He couldn’t tell them this. Why had he even said anything?

“We aren’t going to die, Eliot,” Hardison said, sitting down on a chair next to him. “We have you to protect us.” Eliot flinched. “Eliot? What’s wrong?” Hardison asked, scooting closer. Eliot hunched his shoulders.

“What if it’s me you need protecting from?” He said. He could barely even hear his own voice, but apparently they could hear him. Hardison looked angry, and Parker sat up and looked at him. She didn’t seem angry, just entirely baffled. “You guys didn’t know me back when I was- before I was on our team. I killed so many people. What if I snap? Or if I hurt you by accident? Hurting people is what I’m good for. What if I hurt you?” He stared at the floor. Not much scared him anymore, but the thought of their faces, if they realized he was right, he couldn’t take it.

“Hey!” Hardison snapped. Eliot looked up. Hardison didn’t look scared, just angry still. “You aren’t going to hurt us, man. You just aren’t. We trust you. And we’ve lived together all this time and you’ve never hurt either of us, even on accident. It won’t happen.”

“You’re good at other things besides hurting people,” Parker said. He scoffed. He knew himself. “You are!” She said. “I run the jobs, now, right? So I know what people are good at and how to get each of us in the right spot to win. You’re job isn’t always punching people. You can grift, and steal. You can handle kids. You can make people happy, Eliot. Your job isn’t only hurting people and you know it.” Eliot relaxed slightly. He nodded.

“I guess” he said slowly. Hardison grinned. Eliot could tell that he was ready to offer a hug. He shook his head slightly. He couldn’t handle that right now, even if he was feeling better.

“Parker, you still feeling fizzy?” he asked. She shook her head. “Then let’s go to bed.” She grinned. They all went into the bedroom, and she and Hardison curled up close on one side. Eliot lay down to sleep on the other side, not touching. He might not be able to sleep curled up with them, but it was nice to have them in the same room, in the same bed. It reminded him that he wasn’t the only one making choices here. They chose him, and they chose to stay by him, just as much as he chose them. The nightmares would always be there, but tonight would be okay.


End file.
